Friday, April 29, 2011

When you can't say it in person...

Not a single fuck was given that day.

...say it with the Internet.

(Cross-apply my argument to the DisAd, Solvency and everything that happened Friday)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The cat lady.

Missed Connection

You: Cat Lady, with oversized military-green jacket and matted hair purchasing cat litter.

Me: confused man standing in the cat box aisle comparing the differences between one mechanical auto-scooping cat box to another mechanical auto-scooping cat box with saratoga wagon cover.

I made first conversation - That might have been my downfall.

"Excuse me, have you used one of these? Do you know which one is better...?"

You whipped around on your heels. Your eyes turned black and the parakeets on aisle 5 went deadly silent as they seemed to already know my fate.

"O.M.G, Yes! My babies love it they really do. Before I got one they would come up to me and say 'Mom, what is the deal with the dirty litter box?!' but now they are happy and we enjoy it together a lot..."

I was already confused when you referred to them as your children... but then something exploded in my brain when you said all of you enjoy the cat box together...

But it did not stop there. No, you then pantomimed - in the middle of the aisle - how your cats reacted the first time you brought the new box home and set it up for them. There was jumping and impressions and what looked like character acting.

I thought Allen Funt might suddenly jump from behind the fishtanks and shout "You're on Candid Camera!"

Alas, he did not. And I was forced to watch the three-act street performance before me in stunned amazement.

To you, dear Cat Lady, and your dedication. Both my girlfriend and I were sufficiently informed and terrified about our purchase.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Rock the Block

Hells bells,  Dub-Dub-ers, it's finally Friday and we are ready to party it up for Passover... er, I think that is what we do anyway.

All I know is that I am in charge of the jello salad and Manischewitz. P-A-R-T-Why? Because nothing says family get-togethers like Jell-o and New Jersey booze.

Anyway, before I completely offend every member of my girlfriend's family I better get to my latest and greatest graphic design adventure...

Today we feature the the T-shirt project. We were asked to design a t-shirt that represented us, the student. Since I figured my teacher would not be too amused with profanity and ethnic slurs, I instead went with something a little more subdued.

T-shirt project
Rock the Block! Hey, there's that skyline again!

Actually, I drew the skyline originally for this project - since we did this back in February. The only stolen piece of art was the cassette tape rising over the city like the God of Fire - bow down to its hipster kitch and obsolete piece of technology. I suppose a record would have made more sense, but when I tried that it ended up looking like a big black target on your chest.

I was trying to create a "concert" t-shirt for a mythical event that would be kind of cool to see in Kansas City. It was modled off the the old dorm concerts where the RAs would ask for people in each dorm to play at a concert for your fellow dorm-residents.

There was free food, you learned who was "in a band" and everyone had a good time. This project assumed someone in KC would give this kind of event a whirl.

From the old days at The Paragraph Factories, I know some neighborhoods already do block parties like this, but hey... they never had this kick ass t-shirt advertising.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Midterm narcissism

If blogging is the zenith in narcissistic behavior then I feel I may have just breached the final frontier of self-serving indulgence...

That's right, I turned a midterm class assignment into an experiment of how much Me can everyone take.

I already talk too much in class. I am THAT alternative student who answers all the hypothetical questions posed by the teacher and will interject with my own internal monologue when nobody asked.

Take that night class!

For this assignment we were asked to create a logo, letterhead, business card, etc for either an existing or fake business.

I chose to gussy up this Dumpster a bit and use it as my "fake" business for the assignment. Saying I gussied up the Wednesday Weekly, is like saying I cleaned the bathrooms with a power-washer and a gallon of chlorine (which I have seen my roommate do once before... the place smelled like a Holiday Inn for three weeks).

The logo treatment is nothing too terribly new... You all have see it before. logos

Oh, that's right... the fake part about this assignment was that I turned my blog into an Advertising Firm. Why not?

I am a little more excited about the letterhead, though... Letterhead

BAM! Hand-Drawn Skyline! Take that hand-written letters! business card

Heck yeah, At WW we don't skimp on business cards... that shit is double-sided and probably glossy... maybe even implanted with a GPS tracking chip because I am a paranoid nut job. envelope

Business Envelope! This is kind of hilarious because who sends mail any more?

And so that was midterms... up next, designing a business brochure for an HR company that specializes in ZZZZzzzzzzzzz.....

Monday, April 18, 2011


That is how I started my morning at 5 a.m. on Saturday. I figured waking up at that hour to begin my official coordinating duties at the kite festival required a small bit of profanity shouted at Max Power.

If I had a bottle of whiskey next to my bed, like I did in grade school, I am certain I would have done a shot to get the day going.

My morning ritual of shouting swear words at the day is why I am thankfull my roommate had removed his hearing devices before heading to bed. The girlfriend, on the other hand, has full hearing and was fully displeased with my excited utterance about the day's activities.

Well nutz to you then. On to the Kites!


Even with all the aggravation of setup, the chilling wind and clouds, and the nagging feeling it could rain again at any second, the festival turned out to be bigger than last year's.

Right at 11 a.m. the clouds cleared the temps shot up and the masses started to arrive. According to the car counters we had the the two entrances, we clocked about 15,000 people (AAA says that for every car we can multiply by 3.4 to get a rough estimate of attendance - we went with a straight 3 multipier).

The crowds were great, the vendors and sponsors were happy and I think our boss was pleased with the whole day.

I know I was.

The great lawn

We have even got some great photos from fellow bloggers out there:

With the number of people I saw out here with cameras, I would not be surprised to see a few more photo galleries appear in the next week or so.

Flights of Fancy 2012 is already underway. Mark your calendars: April 21, 2012 @ MCC-Longview.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

When using a prop, make sure you know how to use it...

"Well shit."

That is what was going through my mind as soon as Weather-dude Brett Anthony asked me how to fly the infernal kite I was holding. It was SUPPOSED to be a prop. A visual aid to let you know that this segment was brought to you by A Kite!

First question out of the gate and I was beaming with pride because I knew the name of the thing and its kite designation... I could even break out its scientific name (Lotious Boxus).

But did I get a briefing on how to fly the actual thing? (Even worse, had I ever actually flown this thing?)

Nay sir... nay... Why, you ask? Because I am a professional and flying by the seat of my pants is what I do best.

The whole thing almsot went up in smoke 5 seconds in, but I think I recovered well and got out what needed to be said about the upcoming Kite Festival.

Check it and all my kite shilling glory.

Aw yeah... there is nothing cooler than midday news banter.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I don't like doctors

I swear if I hear my doctor tell me "you need to lose weight or else..." I am going to strangle him with his stethoscope.

Doc: "Why didn't you come get this checked out sooner?"

Me: "I am not a big fan of doctors."

Doc: "What's wrong with doctors."

Me: "You're kind of like smarmy PR guys in white lab coats."

Doc: "Ah, and so what exactly do you do?"

Me: "I'm in public relations."

Doc: "And an asshole."

Monday, April 11, 2011

It reminds me of an asterisk

Kick back, kiddos, it's time for show-and-tell from art class.

The first project we did in my Art 102 - Conquering Your Fear of Shapes class was to recreate a portrait of a famous person using only the letters, numbers and punctuation you find on the keyboard.

We could pick any famous person. We could pick any font. We could use however many letters and numbers to create the assignment.

Challenge accepted.

I went with Vonnegut mainly because if I royally screwed the pooch on this project, no one would really be about to call me out on it to harshly. Also, it allowed me to once again be a snobbish prick to the people around me...

"What do you mean you don't know who this is?! Get out of my sight, philistine!"

Anyway... here is the finished product... hopefully I did not completely make him look like an asterisk

He looks a little too grandmother-y in my opinion. But then again, when you have that many open- and closed-parentheses for your hair, you might also look like an old lady.

Friday, April 08, 2011


If ever I was to be given a middle name, it would have been Mike "The Shameless Event Plug" Ekey. The festival is in one week and nothing brings out the crazy in an office like a 15,000-person single-day event.

MCC-Longview Flights of Fancy

Watch for me this week as I will be visiting KSHB and KMBC to shill... er... talk politely and professionally about the Kite Festival. 

Thursday, April 07, 2011

I'm back

Face logo

Strike up the band break out the good Whiskey, I have returned from the Internet void. Two whole freaking months have gone by since we last chatted and I laid down some Midwest Wisdom on your skulls.

Yes, I know; far too many bloggers in the world start off their posts with "Golly G, friends, it has been a while... (winky face)" Well, fuck that. I had shit to do and personal things to work out when it came to this blog.

You see, we have blogging in this little trash heap since 2004 - back when blogging was still sort of new and journalists thought the Interweb was their mortal enemy. I hated most the journalists I worked with at the time so it seemed natural that I would pick it up and start dumping my particular style of drunken ramblings and whining here.

I was going to be the next Hunter S. Thompson... banging out screeds against the government and The Man. "Screw you and you little dog, too!"

But that was mostly a failure since attempting to maintain that style of intense writing and and anger toward even the most vile of Nixon sympathizer is taxing on the soul.  That and you grow up - sort of.

Now, my merry band of readers, I find myself in the strange position of working in The Marketing Department. "Polish up that Turd and fax it over the daily newspaper! We have to sell these microwave ovens!"

Of course, by Microwave Ovens, I mean Higher Education and by Polished Turds I mean the many non-stop waves of new things we are doing here at Metropolitan Community College.

Don't get me wrong, not everyday on campus is like rolling into a pile of rainbow-farting puppies. It has its ups and downs, but 99 percent of the time I am working with a great group of people who really care about doing something cool for higher education in this region.

And that, you see, is where my dilemma enters from stage left.

I have been a big advocate of blogging and using the Internet here on campus. In some cases I have even used this blog as an example of how to do it. But that means I have to tell colleagues and administrators that I, in fact, own this garbage. It also means, that many of them started reading through some of this garbage.

As you all know, I've used this trash can as pretty much an open journal since 2004. When Deans and and Vice Chancellors started making comments here, I knew the jig was up.

No one got mad or offended. If anything, everyone was supportive and encouraging (except for Mom who thinks I need to tone down the swearing, damnit!). But I worried. I did not want to run wild like an animal defecating on all the goodwill I had built up or find myself on the wrong end of a Hostile Workplace lawsuit all in the name of good humor.

So, we tapered off and then eventually stopped blogging all together. Two moths went by - an eternity in web time.  I started taking a graphic design class instead to bone up (heh) on a few new skills. The class, though, served as good catalyst for getting me back here ultimately.

With a bit of a redesign (to coincide with a class project) I think I might be happier with this look and the new mission of the blog that I was ever before.

Now keep your dress on, team, this is not going to become some cluster of a marketing or public relations blog. Nor is it going to become a pulpit for higher education or the liberal socialist agenda I am subliminally pushing through my work...

No, I still have no flipping clue what this blog will be about, I just know it was time to get back at the helm and steer it right toward our next big disaster just beyond the horizon.

Onward, captain! Until the break of dawn.