Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Back in Brooklyn... or am I?

See... How could I get a picture of the Brooklyn Bridge without, in fact, being in Brooklyn?

I ran into some friends from the KC area over the "Christmas Break" and suddenly a conspiracy the size of the Grassy Knoll began to unravel...

"You don't actually live in NY, do you? You just say that so you don't have to hang out with us."

Granted, I am a lying shit of a human and a plot like this is not outside of my capacity. I have run into friends from KC on several occasions over the last two months while visiting home. I am curiously still listed as a contributor to several news outlets in the area.


The biggest indicator; Harry's has not yet closed. Lord knows I expected them to fold in a month after I left town and took my outrageous weekly bar tab with me.

Hell, maybe there is a one-armed man out there keeping them afloat.

Maybe I did not actually move to NY... Maybe the Loch Ness Monster and swamp gas have opened some kind of a worm hole that allows me to exist in both places.

Operation: Living in Brooklyn Conspiracy continues!


Sunday, December 28, 2008

99 Billion souls saved

Because nothing say Praise Jesus like a Big Mac with a discount. Caught this deep in the bible belt of Springfield, Mo.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The internetz will save us all.

This video hits a little close to home. If I poured one out for every friend who has been bought-out, laid off, fired, reassigned, downsized and shit-canned, then I would not have any booze left myself—period.

The best part is that some of these lyrics were parts of actual memos that went out to KC Star Employees in the last few years.

It's a bit ironic that starting Jan. 1, I will be editing a booze blog out in NYC. Wave of the Future! The thing has been stalled since Oct 5, but hopefully starting 2009 this thing will go full-time.

Merry Christmas, you sad sad industry.

(Thanks, Mel)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

He already flies like a Redbird.

Jon Ekey had an impressive game Saturday night against cross-town rival Truman High School. With more than a dozen points, a handful of rebounds and three MASSIVE SWATS (as seen above) he looked like he was ready to hit the Illinois State court that night.

Granted, Chrisman had to swallow a pretty tough loss — 74-68 — of which I can attribute directly to bad coaching and terrible bench management.

For more photos of the debacle check out the flickr biz.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Snowday in Brooklyn

It snowed on Tuesday and it was glorious. Although city snow is a bit different than that country snow we are all so used to.

While the deck was all covered in snow and awesome in its Christmas Light glory, the street also had its own shine.

Of course, if I mention Brooklyn and Christmas in the same sentence , I am legally required to also share with you this awesome (slightly racists) Brooklyn Carol sung by all the chuds here in Brook-a-leen.

Jig-itty-jig, It's Dominick the Donkey!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Watchmen

I was a little worried when I heard a while back this comic was going to be made into a movie. Granted, It was announced back when I also heard another Hulk movie was in production and that a new Thor movie was going to be made.

But after seeing this trailer I am pretty sure this movie is going to rock my face off.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

P-A-R-T, Why?

Because this is the one time of the year we come together and celebrate the birth of Santa Clause...

Because the newspaper industry is dying and taking down everyone in its path...

Because we needed some excuse other than 'I am unemployed' to drink...

Because we had so much alcohol in the house we knew we had to get rid of it somehow. So we are sharing with you rubes...

Merry Office Party! Here is a vertical snap shot of my fridge before this blessed event.


View Larger Map

To get ready for our party and to complete the Christmas Shopping, there are a few tasks around the city that needs to be accomplished.

This would not be remarkable at all except that I am being given the keys to a car and sent on my own circuit of tasks...

I will go no further than 15 miles from my apartment, but Google Maps says this lap around Manhattan will take me close to an hour — and that does not include actually stopping to run said errands.


Friday, December 12, 2008

Lego Advent Calendar Rocks Day 10, 11 & 12

Lego Advent, after three days of interesting choices, this week ramped it up a notch (pronounced Nawtch) with its mini-set.

The rhythm of this calendar took me a second to figure out:

One Day of Mini-fig.
One Day of small set that goes with mini-fig.
One Day of larger set that goes with mini-fig.

So I was ready for something big after the disapointing Firefighter/Cat trio. This week's Three-Set has so far been the best of the Calendar.

Mini-Dom DiFara and his amazing pizza...

Although, after hearing the Brooklyn Dom actually takes the pizzas out with his bare hands, I am beginning to think that the pizza paddle is one of those "extra" pieces.

So he is the Mid-Cal Wrap up...

Day 1: Man with Turkey Leg.
Day 2: Grill with fire (foreground, fuzzy).
Day 3: Table with cup and skillet.
day 4: Girl with Ice Cream.
Day 5: Cooler and Umbrella.
Day 6: Ice Cream Cart with Ice Cream Float
Day 7: Fire Fighter
Day 8: Tree with Cat
Day 9: Ladder (I think...)
Day 10: Mini-Dom - Pizza Master
Day 11: Table with two pizzas
Day 12: Pizza Oven
Day 13: ???

The whole gang.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Lego Advent Update!

Day 1: Man with Turkey Leg.
Day 2: Grill with fire (foreground, fuzzy).
Day 3: Table with cup and skillet.
day 4: Girl with Ice Cream.
Day 5: Cooler and Umbrella.
Day 6: Ice Cream Cart with Ice Cream Float
Day 7: Fire Fighter
Day 8: Tree with Cat
Day 9: Ladder (I think...)
Day 10: ???

True to Lego form there is also a handful of "extra" pieces that come with the sets... I am sure we will come up with something fun at the end of this adventure...

Chuck E. Cheeze still rocks...

There is a Chuck E. Cheeze just down the street from me here in the old NYC.

I have loved this place since it was called Showbiz Pizza with the amazing Rock-a-Fire Explosion band...

Here is just one more reason to love the overly garlic pizza and creepy arcade games. The usually stuffy Wall Street Journal gives us an article that reads like a prime-time COPS episode.

I did not even know they sold beer. I need to get back there sometime.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Christmas is a commin'

That's right, blog-boobs, the holiday spirit has hit the Temple of Gonzo NYC. Break out the Yule Logs and deck the walls with thousands of flammable lights. It's Christmas Time!

Now, I have been on really good behavior and not entered into my usual Griswold-esque mentality of creating an electrical deathtrap here in Brooklyn. I think LJ got a little worried when I commandeered the Johnson Family Tree at Thanksgiving and added my usual lighting flair... 5,000 lights on a 12-foot tree is normal, right?

But as demure as she hopes this holiday time to be, I still managed to squeeze a nice tree and other items in the apartment to begin celebrating the birth of Santa. Now I will begin my secret campaign of jamming hundreds of strings of Christmas lights all over the place...

Rockefeller Center's got nothing on this tree...

We are also five days into the Lego Advent Calendar my cousin got for me this season. Thus far we seem to be putting together a nice summer picnic scene...

Day 1: Man with Turkey Leg.
Day 2: Grill with fire (foreground, fuzzy).
Day 3: Table with cup and skillet.
day 4: Girl with Ice Cream.
Day 5: Cooler and Umbrella.
Day 6: ???

I can't decide if I should open my Advents doors early since I will be out of town this weekend or just wait until Monday and get a flurry of Lego parts!

UPDATE: These guys are right in our backyard...

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Hint hint

If nobody gets me this for Christmas then my Holiday Extravaganza 2008 will be ruined.

I have had fruit cake and I am one of the few that thinks it is actually pretty delicious (unless you make it with apricots, then you are just a terrorist).

Everyone needs one of these... Ghost of Christmas Future demands it. I will ad it to my Advent Lego Calendar that my cousin got me to tick down the days until Christmas.

So far the Lego toys that have come tumbling out have been magnificent. The first three days are a little camping scene. Get ready for lots of photos of Lego days each week.

Friday, November 28, 2008

I am thankful for ...

de bow bow...

Oh yeah!

If this does not make you question what you have done with your life, then watch it again until your eyes bleed. Then watch It's Always Sunny to heal those wounds...

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Driving this beast of a city

Today I had a couple of jobs I had to complete around the city. Instead of taking the train, as I have been for the past couple of weeks, I took the car and drove it all over the place.

Driving in this is city, while daunting if you don't know where you are going, is one hell of a good time. Get behind the wheel and floor it or you will get left behind at each stop light.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Jon signed last week, but I am jsut now getting back to this crappy blog

The Wednesday Weekly

Jon towers over his Illinois State signing table last week.

This all happened two weeks ago and I am just now getting to it all. I have to say while it was not the best of circumstances that brought me back to the city, I was still really glad I got to be there to see him sign.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Not all cyclists are dirty hippies.

Holy Shit!

The Martini Shaker mixes up on hell of a clip that ... well, I needed a moment alone after watching this clip. Keep in mind this is for all those kids who played Guitar Hero until they went blind of got a severe case of carpel tunnel syndrome.

Oh fuck...was that KISS?

You have to watch it a few times to really get how detailed these kids got when it came to acting this song out... all the way down to the number of notes hit consecutively...


Monday, November 10, 2008

Installing a new floor

We were supposed to be installing a new hardwood floor in the duplex apartment near the old downtown.

My grandfather and I were looking down at our shoes at the planks below them trying to figure out what we were going to do.

"So how do we want do this?" I asked.

"We'll do it the easy way first because your grandma will be in here soon and will find some way to do it better than us," he said as if he had already told himself this a thousand times.

And so two guys went to work, not taking the easy way, as it had been suggested, knowing in a few hours the boss would still be by to tell us how to fix properly.

And that is who my grandmother truly was.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Chocolate Show

Spent most the weekend at the NY Chocolate Show, one of the most decadent and depraved showings in modern America.

What exactly does this mean? It means a dozen model got dressed in chocolate. Yes, Chocolate clothing. Think edible underwear — but all over.

I got a chance to see it all firsthand in its gluttonous and ridiculous glory. Although, I have to say the superhero theme was rather nice. We all know you had fantasies of Lucy Lawless and Batgirl...throw in some chocolate clothing and suddenly it's.... well, i need a moment.

I spent most the night sneaking pieces of costume to eat and then dolling out beating to the jackass New York press corp that had gathered to cover this event for, what I assume Don K would call "The women's pages."

Still pretty neat by the end of everything.

Some photos from the show taken by the staff photographer I hung out with for the night.

Some Frequently asked questions:

Yes, it is all made of chocolate in some form.
Yes, those Tommy guns and the "Biff" and "Zowie" signs are chocolate too.
Ironman is indeed a guy and also bad ass.
The CBS Morning News Anchor who MCed the whole show is a total tool bag

Click on the photos for more models dripped in delicious delicious chocolate.

p.s. - I wanted to work this in, but it fell through the cracks until now. The NY Press Corp is a wild pack of hedonistic fuckbags who would not know they up side of a shit stick if it poked them in the eye. In other words, I'm done with all of them.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

New York responds to an Obama victory

UPDATE: Someone had a camera and caught the celebration on my block - check out all his photos here.

There are more here by minicloud.


The cheers came down the street like a wave of energy that was ready to demolish anything that stood in its way.

Hundreds of people were streaming from their homes, bars, coffee shops and other nooks around Brooklyn to fill the streets to dance and yell and cheer the news that had just come across.

Obama wins.

No matter your political persuasion (be it as retarded as it may) you have to admit that watching several hundred people packed into one city block dancing, and writhing through the night as they ride the high and mighty wave of this election is pretty powerful stuff.

I only regret that I did not have a camera. Despite their yelling, their chanting and wild yells into the darkness, you never once felt like things were going to turn ugly.

These were not the dim Philly fans who trashed their own town after winning the world series. These people were genuinely elated and could not contain themsleves every time a car would drive by honking or someone would start up once again chanting "Yes we can." They were happy and that feeling would not wear off and take them to bed until dawn when the first papers would hit the street and people knew it was not a dream.

Brooklyn had people shooting off roman candles and fountains that we usually let the toddlers play with at the Fourth of July, but with each five-foot-tall burst of sparks and crackles the crowd would let out a wild primal cheer announcing they had finally won. For once, and possibly the last, time in their lives they felt like they walked away ahead in this game.

Thursday, October 30, 2008


Last night we broke the law and bent rules of decency and good manners as this city's finest came together one last time for an evening of bourbon, House of the Rising Sun and talk of the wild and weird adventures ahead of us all.

Andy: I'm pretty sure I lost a few seconds off my life last night...
Andy: I lead in with the "My roommate is a lightning rod for the weird."
Me: Ha
Andy: Last night was nutty. Nothing like that will ever happen to me a again
Me: I'm sure you will visit NY sometime.
Andy: True enough. Can you get me into a bar past closing time there, too? It's like you've added a line to the song. "Closing Time/It's time for you to go out to the places you will be from/Except you, Mike"

The Wednesday Weekly held its final session this week. A final farewell that had to be experienced rather than written about. There are far to many good people, especially my Old Roommate, who made these last few months/years here bizarre. Too many weird night and wild days to recount here.

Others, like my good friends from the Paragraph Factory and on the Radio Dial, will remain here keeping the WW alive. Always reminding us that someone will be here tending the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh, but don't think this is the end of the mental vomit on these pages. This is not the end of the Wednesday Weekly. Fuck no, this is merely the intermission... a few days away to allow you to catch your breath and settle your stomach before we grab you by the wrists and drag you screaming into the night once again.

Kansas City, you have been a mean bitch and gracious lover over these past 24 years. We abused the locals, terrorized the help and made fools of ourselves up and down your boulevards.

For all your faults, though, I am still proud to call you Home.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


The on-going theatrics of this national election need a better Director.

I'm voting for Wes Anderson.

From neatorama

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Good Riddance

If there is one institution in the foul city that I will miss, it will undoubtedly be Harry's Country Club.

For three years I and my band of drunken followers have been throwing back yards beers and bourbon at an astounding rate at this Honky-Tonk bar in the heart of the River Market. We would get viciously drunk on Weekdays and yell at Tater and the Gravy train to play Purple Rain or Dancing Queen (both of which he has done with a great a country lilt).

The bartenders and waitresses would serve us until closing and then join us at the Caddy Shack until even they had taken enough abuse from us. They were genuinely good people in an industry that takes a lot of abuse from its customers. They would have a double bourbon on ice ready for me each Wednesday.

Trying to write, let alone blog, some kind of fanboy diatribe about Harry's would not do it justice. Hell, it would probably just come off like some masturbatory entry into this vile dumpster of thought.

Still, its hard to let go of those drunken nights and terrible events that unfolded before us while swilling the best drink on the patio and shouting loudly into the night.

Brooklyn is going to have big shoes to fill when it comes to offering me a neighborhood bar like Harry's.

Of the nights we spent there, I am sure you could come up with a great video montage — if anyone had the foresight to take pictures of videos — that would encapsulate the relationship with Harry's Country Club.

Wait, what's that? You don't like montages or that awful Green Day song that gets played every year at graduation.

Well, tough shit.

I have no idea who these doofers are...

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Band Montage!

You know you sing along to Aha every time it comes on at a wedding, reception, prom or that high school homecoming that you "chaperoned" each year.

And you sing it "ironically" when deep down you know that when you go home you will imedietly cue it up on your iPod and rock out and possibly cry a little knowing that you will never find the kind of comic book love that is borne out of a pipe wrench fight... or will I?

This comes from the American Copywriter. Oh, you are welcome in advance...

"This guy is going to get an ass full of pipe wrench."

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Holy dropped argument, Batman!

Debate fever is in full swing.

Coming off the heels of the VP Grin-a-thon, we now have another Presidential debate coming down the pipline.

But the WW decided we needed more this past weekend as we subjected ourselves to nine hours of high school debate as a judge at one Olathe tournament.

So, in light of all the arguments, counter-plans and 90-second answers I offer you one of the greatest debates of our time:

The Penguin vs. Batman in an election that would decide the fate of our great Gotham City.

Only in early 70s television could you get away with the vague racisim of an Irish Police Commissioner making references to bent shalayly

Friday, October 03, 2008

Dear Abby

My Dad is awful when it comes to giving relationship advice. And we are not just talking awful like those bumbling sitcom dads who mumble their way through the birds and the bees...

Oh no, my Dad is just an Ass.

Along with his his years of bitter contempt for the world, he likes to wrap his passive aggressive advice hate into little balls of bile that manage to reveal he still has issues.

On women: "Just remember, women are the tool of the devil..."

"Everything a woman tells you is a lie or an attempt to get something from you."

These, of course, would become my mantras for life at the young age of 14. But more recently, as I revealed that I was moving to NYC with the girlfriend, he once again proves that some of the best advice can only from from Dad:

"It sounds like it will be fun. That is until she kicks you out on your ass, but you are young, you'll recover quickly..."

Thanks Dad!

Patrick and Eugene - The Birds and the Bees

Monday, September 29, 2008

Christmas is not that far off

You see, kids, when a Lego Man and a Lego woman love each other very much...

Oh, who am I kidding.

This looks like a back ally, Jaeger-induced sorority romp if I ever saw one, which I have — oddly enough. Hays, Kansas - 2005 at the Pheasant Run. Fruit Compote was involved. I will never look at breakfast foods the safe way again.

Coming to a theater near you

In a world where the the fight is no longer with a beast, but rather a City ...

One man will prepare for the Adventure of a lifetime that will take him to the edge of hell for a staring contest with Jesus himself.

"You don't know what you doing. This is crazy. You'll get yourself killed." — Mom

This fall, a band lovable misfits will follow him to conquer the world and even discover a little something about themselves...

"No matter what happens here, man, I want you to know I love you." — Leo

On Tuesday, be the first in line as the shit hits the fan and the Wednesday Weekly once again proves that the real Adventures are always just ahead.

"Now if only we could get some voice talent to do this preview..." - Mike

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Murder Checkers!

Folks, I am not a big Television person. I'm more of a get the DVD or download it from the interwebs when it comes to my obscure likes.

But the Office is the rare exception.

Get pumped.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Who needs edukatshun?

Lord knows the school districts around here don't exactly provide a modern education. Still, one of my favorite blogs out there is offering a a great deal (and chance at shameless self promotion).

Mental Floss, in its on-going mission to de-retardify the nation, is offering $50,000 in scholarship money to students heading college. Now, I know we have a lot of teacher-type readers to this little dumping ground of drivle ... so, it's nice to know that we can give back in our own little way (and shamelessley promote the hell out of this site).

Granted, the WW has been more of a promoter of bad decisions and more booze — but isn't that what college is really all about. So, get out there, Seniors, and make us proud with those college decisions... and don't forget to post it all to Facebook.

Rules and forms for the scholarship can be found here.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Homemade Politics

With only 46 day until the presidential election, I know we have gone a bit overboard with the political ads and jib-jab here at the WW.

But when this homemade ad came rolling across the WW Natl. Desk, we knew we had to...nay, the force told us we had to share the glory.

The man supports Athletics AND Arts ... Finally, Jocks and Whiny Hipsters can join together under the stewardship of this Lightsaber-wielding politician. Knight used this ad in his 2007 bid for the county school board. At some point VH1 even aired the commercial (but who watches VH1, srsly) and turned him into a bit of a celebrity.

But it seems from his blog that things have not as well as his commercial would indicate.

Well, from the Temple of Gonzo and the WW, we hope to see more out this southern Jedi.

Friday, September 19, 2008

ARG! Fake Holidays Shiver me Timbers!

Here we are celebrating Natl. Talk Like A Pirate Day.

My skull and cross bones flag flew at half mast today to honor those pirates that have gone before me and died for ...well, the right to loot and plunder... or something like that.

Yay, America!

Usually I would try to shy away from holiday propagated by Dave Barry, but since this is one of those few holidays that allows, arg!, encourages you to drink like a Pirate, then I think it is completely acceptable.

(Other acceptable binge drinking holidays include: New Years, Valentines Day, St. Patrick's Day, Wednesday, The Fourth of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Cinco De Mayo, President's Day, Columbus Day, Black History Month, Women's History Month, Christmas in July, International Pi day, International Pie day, Administrative Assistant Day, etc.)

But wait there is more. Talk like a Pirate Day is also one of those few days where you can loudly shout at every woman by calling her a Bow-legged Wench and not fear some class action law suit — again.

There was a time when some friends took the Pirate theme fairly seriously...of course there may have been alcohol, drugs, goats and leisure suits involved, but we assigned each other Pirate Names none the less.

To this day I still insist that aboard my Pirate Ship I am only to be referred to as Jolly Green Giant. It made sense back then — again, alcohol drugs, goats and leisure suits, blah blah blah.

Avast, ye matey! To hearken and honor this sacred day of the Seven Seas, I offer you Concert pianist Wibi Soerjadi playing a Pirate jig — hook hand and all.


Monday, September 15, 2008

The gloves have come off...

... and it seems the Obama camp is now going nuclear (New-clear, Ms. Palin).

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Stand up, Chuck!

Oh sweet merciful god.

I told you. I said it here first. If the Democrats are going to lose, it's going to be because of Joe "Luddite" Biden.

While speaking at a Columbia rally, Biden wanted to recognize State Sen Chuck Graham. Graham has been a huge Democrat advocate for the University, schools, health care etc and has had quite an impressive a career in the Jefferson City.

So, Biden, wanting to give the prominent democrat his spotlight, asked Chuck to stand up and wave to the crowd.

Chuck, by the way, is in a wheelchair.

Oh, Raptor Jesus, this is embarrassing...

Back in the day I used to cover the Mo. General Assembly when Chuck was state rep for Columbia. During one event in his office, Chuck was using his fire-brand style of speech to lambaste the Governor for cutting funds to something.

From the event: "Nothing is going to stop me from restoring funds to the budget," he said.

"Except for maybe a flight of stairs," one young reporter quipped

"Hey, Fuck you!"

I knew then politics was never going to be my strong suit.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I am Spartacus

How did I miss this?

Kansas City is getting its ownBasketball team. Well ... an ABA Team: The Kansas City Spartans.

The fledgling league is expected to have a press conference at Ilus David park downtown on Sept. 17 to announce open try-outs. The league claims they have been planning this new team since June, but have been slow to get press out.

Even without a roster, the team's Web site claims they will begin playing in December ... DECEMBER!

Still, there is no word on where this team will be playing, but I will bet the city will not let them use the still-empty Sprint Arena.

Because the NHL sucks and the NBA is worthless, I don't expect either of those leagues will be filling the mega-empty arena any time soon.

More importantly, they are also looking for talent to come up with the team anthem that will presumably be sung at every event to a swelling throng of the player's families and friends — assuming even they show up.

I'm not saying the ABA is a bad thing, but let's take a serious look at the most recent trend that sports has taken in this city.

Royals - Losers
Cheifs - Soon-to-be -Losers
Brigade: Seasonal Disasters
Wizards: Soccer is not a real sport...
Blades: Who?

This could get interesting.

I wish them the best of luck.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Jumping the Mother-fucking shark.

Yep. When I say I will post anything to do with Lego, I mean it. The Simpsons intro done via Lego and shitty stop-motion animation.

You can thank me later.

Sean Tevis is my hero.

Check out the video and some of the great photos from the Old Settler's Parade (yes, the apostrophe goes there) where we marched for Sean Tevis. Up as the ass-crack of dawn and battling a hangover, we marched in the drizzle for Tevis and a chance at becoming the next YouTube micro-celebrity.

Tevis is battling the incumbent Old, Arlen Siegfreid, for the Kansas State House out of Olathe.

Click for more photos and Sean's Web site.

Tevis says 'HELLO' to the masses of Olathe.
From the Tevis campaign Web site

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Old Missouri, fair Missouri...

My dear old Varsity.

I'm not usually one to kick my old Alma Mater, especially when I am surrounded by all these KU doofers.

Still, I could not ignore the irony when this marketing packet made its way to my office. MU is celebrating all things journalism with a week-long booze-fest and gathering of journalists in Columbia to celebrate the J-school's 100th Birthday.

But throwing a birthday party in the hallowed halls of a dying industry is like recognizing the birthday of your dead cat. Sure, cake and streamers are fun, but its not bringing Twinkle back to life.

Adding the a little salt to the "Your industry is dying" wound, the J-school announced several weeks ago (after more than a year of planning this J-bration) that they might have to shut down The Missourian — the daily paper run by the J-school.

Mizzou saw the writing on the wall to close the paper opting to go online instead, but it seems its marketing department did not. The media packet advertising for the event included pages of chest thumping for the newspaper declaring it one of the best labs for journalism and an award-winning institution.

It was amazing that Columbia (barely) kept two city newspapers alive for that long. This does not even begin to touch the myriad student-run, Greek influenced or just retarded rags that float through that town.

When I hit this party, I'll have to make sure to pour one out for my homies at The Mo'ian.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

In a world...

This is a sad day. Others, though, they see it as my chance to break into the "menacing, post-apocalyptic" voice over market.

Don "The scary voice" LaFontaine died Monday at 68.

From the news: The Minnesota-born LaFontaine reportedly voiced over 5,000 trailers and almost 350,000 commercials. He's responsible for the ubiquitous trailer-opening phrase "In a world..."

"In a world where out movie trailers are boring and suck..."

Via The Carter.

Saturday, August 30, 2008


Police Chief Jim Corwin and Prosecutor Jim Kanatzar in front of the Mystery Machine

Today's press conference was supposed to prove that the city was working for residents. It was supposed to show how police, politicians and city officials were FINALLY getting their shit together to fight crime after a record 83 people have been murdered.

Instead what we got was the same story that has been told over and over ever since this Police Chief took control of the city.

We are not even going to go into how irritated this city should be that the Mayor continues to push his inept idea of throwing $25,000 parties in ghetto neighborhoods to supposedly "bring attention to their blight." We are not even going to go into how for two hours this week, he accused us of "not getting" his grand vision of redevelopment — oh, I get it, and its terrible.

Instead I want to focus on the plan that was hatched from what I can only assume is the Keystone Cops-style top brass at KCPD.

Already Corwin shafted the city this year when he blundered through the budget process and failed to live up to his promise of hiring new cops.

But today, Corwin completely turned his back on the lowly neighborhoods that put him into power. Flustered by the sudden attention that half a dozen murders in one week can bring, Corwin had to show something to irate residents and unfortunately, even his plan was more of the same.

Corwin has proposed to take cops, who are already overworked and underpaid, and double their duties to help solve the already committed crimes. There was NOTHING mentioned about how to stop these kids from shooting one another. But why think about that when the Mayor has a party to plan next weekend?

Under the Cheif's plan, which he unveiled this morning using murder # 82 and #83 as his backdrop, Corwin will now be asking officers from the property crime unit, vice, SWAT and elsewhere to start picking up duties in the Homicide unit — and he is doing all of this without hiring new cops or offering more pay to those officers.

"We are calling it a reassignment, but we are not reassigning any officers," he said. Um, What?

When asked directly how many officers would be needed to help solve the 83 murders in the city limits - 46 of which have not even been solved - he choked up and seemed confused even to how his own plan would work. He quickly ducked the two reporters and used his spokesman to dig him out of the hole he created.

He then accused reporters of not doing their homework and seemed even quietly blame the press for his own awful performance this morning.

Heat is on now. If those cases don't get closed by the end of the year, then this city will tear itself apart trying to remove Corwin and Funk.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Round-ups blow

It's been a crazy couple of days and my brain has not been in the right place to dance like a fool for you fuck-bags.*

So, I offer you a round up of some of the things from this week's Reader:
I caught the Obama speech this evening and all I could think was... zzzzzzzz....

Also, McCain hates puppies...and rainbows.

Republicans are now terrified of hurricanes with names that sound like that transvestite friend you know from college...

In the unending pursuit to convince me to head to The Empire State, I got this dropped in my inbox today.


The funeral for my grandfather this week turned out to actually be an interesting event. I happened to run into a relative that I, for some reason, thought had died a few years ago.

Back in the old divorce days of the 90's, my Dad's side of the family also went through some rough split ups (read: crazy aunt left cool uncle). This effectively cut us off from the one relative on that side of the family that had quite the personality.

The whole family changed after that. We never heard from the Cool Uncle or how his life was going until a few years ago we hear he contracted terminal cancer. We brought it up once at a family function and someone said death was looming as the cancer had gotten worse.

That, again, was several years ago.

When someone tells you a favorite relative has Terminal Cancer and then never speaks about the person again, you assume the worst.

So it was a shocking revelation to see this man walk into the funeral looking like the only thing wrong with him was his hideous tan suit he chose for the occasion.

"Hey, long time no see, man. So where is the bar?" is how he re-introduced himself.
"I thought you died," I said, fucking conventional wisdom and social graces as I stared at him.
"Yeah, almost. Eh, what can you do? So, how have you been?"


* Fuck-bags has become the new term 'round these parts. Seems to hit people with a double wammy of insult. Little too close to Funbags, a great term in and of itself and, of course, you get to shout Fuck each time.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

"I don't think that is...oh hell, you never listen to me anyway."

It's never good to reveal personal news when it comes to the blog-nation of WW. In fact, it is down right inappropriate.

But since when has this foul oasis of rational thought ever toed the line of manners and grace?

My grandfather on my Dad's side of the family died this past weekend. It seems cruel to say it was amazing he made it this long, but with several terrible bouts of emphysema and lung cancer after decades of smoking, he was working with pure will power alone to breathing through the summer humidity and heat here at .

During the last 15 years we had kind of drifted a part due to several reasons and other random acts of insanity. Either way this whole week makes for terrible writing and even worse mood swings that puts everyone on edge when you bring it up.

Anyway, when I came across this story about the bizarre Will left behind by a Brooklyn couple, I for some reason, could not stop imagining that my grandfather would probably do the same thing — that is if my humorless lawyer father did not get a hold of it first.

He was the only person I knew would could make me blush in public as he would make slightly derogatory comments to the waitresses at Bob Evans. Olds; they will never know how inapproprite they really are.

"To my shifty eldest grandson: you know those little glass cats I collected in the basement? Yep, you get 'em. May they creep you out for all eternity. lolz, pwned!"

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Kids are not alright

Day two of the Democratic Convention. Day two of me wishing it was still the Olympics — or at least College Football season.

But it also is day two of some of the most outlandish and inane blogging from journalists in Denver. Newspapers might be dying, but the blog-everything-and-anything tactic is not going to be the single savior for all print journalist. Hell, The New York Times even reports that kids, while online, aren't even reading blogs. Well, except for the WW here.

We are all doomed.

Lolz, Northeast, no internetz for yous

For some reason whole chunks of Northeast Kansas City have been without internet and phone service for the past few days.

AT&T has really fucked us this week as they now tell us it could take a week or more to send someone out to see what the problem is. Anyway, this means my usual blather and diatribes got sidetracked yesterday — and I had some pretty good stuff to share with the slack masses that flock to this cum dumpster of thought.

To wit:
This story is a little late — but let's hope that Olympic gymnast you diddled in Beijing is not. Group hoop anyone?

— The Lego Guy celebrated his 30th Birthday. But what is really cool is Gizmodo's video of the factory that churns out this little yellow bastards.

— I'm still laughing at this — even if it is several months old.

— And finally, everyone who is in my Fantasy Football League are a bunch of no talent ass-hats and fuck-bags. Well, mainly the commissioner...

Yeah, I dare you post a reply here. Let's see what kind of juevos you got now.


Saturday, August 23, 2008

Air (mother-fucking) Show

Across the aisle from me

Say what you will, I love the air show. The girlfriend had never been privy to such a deceleration of Boys and their Toys.

To make up for the years of lost opportunities to see jet airplanes and rocket-powered things (not to mention an ungodly array of Patriotic ass-kicking music) I took her up in one of said air planes to watch the U.S. Army's Golden Knights jump out of a perfectly good plane at 12,500 feet in the air.

Not a bad view

Keep in mind, to accommodate the jumpers, the Army's plane has two giant open doors at the back of the plane that never close. From take off to landing, I could dangle my legs out the back of the plane.

Getting the window seat with these guys is actually a little dangerous.

He really wanted that exit row seat

After the crew evacuated the plane, the pilot then pointed the nose of the plane directly down and sent us into a controlled spin toward the ground (i.e. Death Spiral). He seemed to be trying to race the jumpers to the airport below.

At one point I asked the captian to level the plane out for a few seconds otherwise I might have lost my crackers. And with two gaping open windows at the back, said crackers would have ended up all over the place. The captain was more than happy to oblige.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Hard pills to swallow

Reading trade magazines and blogs about the current state of journalism is like glancing through the obituary pages.

"Abandon hope all ye who enter here."

Our own KC Star has even begun a steady march of attrition with cut backs, buyouts and goat slaughters to the j-gods to save the paper. Now this week they announced that they are bugging out of the suburbs as they pull back their zoned editions from JoCo and elsewhere — the area the paper seemed to actually make money.

But before we break out Taps for the funeral march that The Star and others seem to be planning for themselves, someone really needs to begin questioning; "Is it really that bad for print?"

One grad student, using data from a Philly paper, formerly owned by Knight-Ridder, who used to own The Star, says that as staff cuts and the gnashing of teeth in newsrooms have continued for the last decade profit margins continue to increase.

Money quote:

"It’s pretty clear that, throughout the course of this dataset, profit margins at PNI (the name for the Philly subdivision under Knight-Ridder) were anywhere between 9 percent (in 1995) and as high as the upper teens to low 20percent-area by the early 2000s. So … even while circulation and staff were dropping, and even as the challenge posed by the world wide web loomed on the horizon, profits got bigger and bigger."

And newspapers, he argues along with every other literate person in the world, have not changed this way of thinking, even as the internet has...well...you know.

Maybe his assessment is a few years to late — blaming most, if not all, of their current downfall on inaction to get with the program when it comes to the net. Still, even with the eye balls (supposedly in the millions each day) The Star still hosts one of the worst Web sites in the Midwest. In my time there I offered to help, but was told no as higher powers had better plans, which, for most newspaper in this country, we have yet to see. Lord knows my own professional internet project has taken me more than a year to get off the ground.

Maybe this explains why newspaper executives are just getting more bi-polar as they cry and moan about cuts one day and then boast and thump their chests at the amount of money brought in through their millions of internet readers through side projects.

But what is interesting is how this report also says that executives hope that so long as the profit margins are astronomically high, then the rest of the company, from the top down, will win.

Reganomics? And how did that work out for us? We still seem to be cutting and chopping here. But the papers still make money.

Really when McClatchy or any newspaper company executives cry about loss of profits and declining ad revenue, it really only means they will now have to settle for the 150-foot yacht rather than the 300-foot one.

Print is not dying a slow death because of neglect, its dying a slow death as those on top chip away and sell the parts.

Pruitt, I blame you.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Outside my window, Vol II

Speaking of cake; this I think should go to the guy who was breaking up with his girlfriend outside my apartment building last week (not to mention the another girl who almost jumped off the top floor that same night — but that is another story).

The girl managed to keep her voice down at 4 a.m. as she was being dumped on the doorstep by this loud doofer. He, on the other hand, insisted on shouting, "I am a grown-ass man and I don't need you." He did this, not once, not twice, not six times; no, by my count, which started about halfway through his rant, left me with him berating this girl 15 time saying he was a grown-ass-man.

But really, you move the hyphen one spot and then the break up makes much more sense.

"I'm a grown ass-man..." heh!

We all have those days.

E-mail advertising is nothing new. how else would I know about how inadequate I was and how massive my debt problem had gotten without being reminded 3 billion times a day by some South African investor looking to unload unclaimed gold.

(The check is in the mail, Shaka Kan, I swear!)

Still, the folks over at Flying Dog Brewery really take the cake each month with their own brand of e-mail blasting, which is less spam, more event calender and art features.

This month's got my attention as it offered one hell of a glimpse into what I believe will be my future self:

From Flying Dog
"Nick remembered everybody’s name who had been to La Cocina at least twice, and we were there at least twice a month. I offered to buy this large painting at every visit, and Nick’s answer was always, “Never.” When Nick retired I tried one more time and the answer was, “I’m giving it to the artist’s granddaughter and you may make a photocopy.” The appeal to me, as it was to anybody else who took a long look was, “Man, I’ve felt exactly like that.” And just what is that feeling of going down to the creek at dusk, alone, and with a bottle of tequila? To take a swig, and another, maybe down to the bottom before returning to whatever awaits one at the end of dusk? My grand daughter pointed at me and said “goo goo,” and so I came to be called. My son said “Send bail,” and the young mother with cancer got the teacher of the year award. And my wife of these many years, she kneels now every day for hours before her shrine to St. Finbarr - yet still there’s pleasure. I grieve that grief can teach me nothing. R.W. Emerson

I'll pour one out for you Flying Dog. It seems like it has been a rough month for you.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Where is my draft notice?

This awesome instructional video comes from the local Kickball Association via TKC and Amnewsboy.

Kickball 101 - Strike Zone from Troy Diggs on Vimeo.

What really chaps my ass here is that KC has had an official adult kick ball association and I am just now getting word. Where were these guys when our lovable band of ballers won the Northeast Kick Ball Tournament?

The Newshounds foisting the tournament trophy

And who was it that we beat in that final game — oh, that's right, FBI Agents from Overland Park. Agents who tired to pick a fight with several out-of-shape journalists and some high school kids. We also put the smack down on officials from the City Council's offices and the Mayor's office that day. Goes to show that even on the kickball field your government will fail you.

WW, its time to get in gear and get hooked up with this WAKA — or maybe I will sit by the telephone awaiting their call.

"Bring in the lefty..."

Monday, August 18, 2008

Mr. Big Time

We have always flown under the radar here at WW with a small select audience of slack-jawed drunkards and failed freaks.

Part of that was becasue I was too lazy to actually promote this god-awful place , the second was because well, who really reads this anyway besides my Mom?

Seems like one of KC's most prolific bloggers checks in on us now...

From TKC Monday.

You should check his news/opinion/naked lady site out, which he runs from the basement of his Mother's home in KC. In honor of Tony, I offer my own photo of a half naked white woman.

Yes, that is a Nintendo Controller she is wearing. No, I do not plan on ending my shameless rip of stuff from Gizmodo.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

If hipsters cried...

The hipster-approved PBR can is being blasted into oblivion with a hollow-point bullet. The slow motion photography is from Gizmodo. At this point the sound you might here is the wailing and gnashing of teeth of countless Hipsters...that is, you know, if they cared to show any emotion.

The most delicious collection ever

I dare you not to enjoy this.
The man has been collecting condiment packets since 2003 and has amassed several hundred perfectly preserved condiments. And he does not just limit it to Ketchup — delicious, delicious Ketchup.

Oh no, all condiments are equally represented. Even a Chester Cheeto's condiment — crazy Canadians.

Reminds me of two weeks ago when the New Roommate moved in. She was looking through the fridge and noticed I only had a 32 oz. (2 lbs) bottle of the amazing Ketchup stuff.

"This is not going to be a enough for us this week. I'll get more when I go out for booze."


Legos rock

Unlike the rest of the country, I am not hiding my Michael Phelps Boner under the waistband of my sweat pants.

Even Lego lovers get in on some of the action.